salaam wa barakato I apologize seems
everybody else has rehearsed for as I
came with like sheets of stuff that I’m
going to read and share my so I was born
into a Hindu family where as sister
haylie was saying for the last at least
500 years that my dad kind of just knows
off the top of his head my grandfather
and his father and it you know every
ancestor going back had been Hindu
priests and I’d always considered myself
to be a fairly religious Hindu I was
strictly vegetarian I’d never drank
alcohol I would pray and I would sit up
at you know till the early hours of the
morning with my mum discussing my
favorite chapter of the gita and you
know this is we’re from a I wasn’t
looking for another religion at all I
mean I thought I was Hindu and that was
that now for a few months and by some
accounts for many years a story had been
developing insha’Allah the story had
been developing in France and they
banned the wearing of overt symbols of
religiosity in French schools and in
French public buildings with the primary
focus being on the hijab now their
arguments was that it wasn’t really
directed at the hijab rather as any
overt symbols of religiosity including
large cross and so on but it was fairly
obvious to anybody where their focus was
now some students at at this university
had that I was attending had been had
organized in events discussing the
ramifications of this ban and I just
decided to attend purely out of interest
from the news they said I wasn’t looking
for another religion the audience were a
mixture of Muslims non-muslims and some
students from France because it was a
London University says fairly diverse
and they were all unified on one thing
to learn more about this political
situation so we all listen to the young
Muslim speaker eloquently described the
Islamic position
and I’d already assumed that Muslims
would want the ban stopped but I’d never
heard anyone describe it in quite this
way the sisters in France were faced
with a choice
the almost unthinkable decision of
whether to leave University to abandon
their education to possibly ruin their
lives all for a piece of cloth and yet
somehow some of those sisters decided to
wear the hijab despite the very likely
consequences this sacrifice and this
struggle really struck me I wanted to
know what motivated them to do what
seemed unimaginable to make the active
decision to give up on what the whole of
society was expecting of them to give up
on what seemed like the most practical
option and instead to choose the hijab
so after this talk I attended attended I
arranged to meet one of the brothers
there who was the same talk and to find
out more I just wanted to understand
what was it as of curiosity on his a I
was just curious to find out and to try
and get some answers to some of my
questions I didn’t know it at the time
but the person had another person I was
going to meet would literally change my
life and the way I view everything in it
so this brother’s name is Majid and he
explained the basis of Islam the proof
of Allah’s existence and the message of
the Quran and I remember coming home and
telling my mum guess what
somebody just proved to me that God
exists and my mum was very mind we’re a
religious family my mum was shocked she
said proof really and it was she was
clearly surprised and had a lot so I
mean just think about what this was we
thought we understood I didn’t think I
needed proof I thought I’m religious and
I know for sure ready
whereas the reality is there is a proof
and you can know it so this brother
Majid he had proved to me that the
creaser exists the same way that you
know that you exist and
the chairs underneath you exist definite
proof and he went on to prove that the
Koran is the literal word of this
creator and it was a proof like nothing
I had ever experienced although it was
emotive it wasn’t emotional it wasn’t
based on blind faith
it wasn’t even because the Quran
contains proven predictions or amazing
details of science it was definite all
proven fact and what’s moral handled a
lot I could prove it too
so I discussed all of this at home and I
want you to bear in mind again that my
family was already considered to be
amongst the most religious with his
generations of priests and yes it was a
complete surprise to my mom and it was
only at the very end of this
conversation where there was a long
pause and I said to her don’t you see
what this means
and in disbelief my mum suddenly kind of
took a test took a step back and said
wait you’re not going to become muslim
ie and I gave the almost rhetorical
response that faced with an undeniable
proof how could I not become Muslim and
had Allah I mean it was a difficult time
for my family that I remember it being
very kind of tense and stressful for
them also highlight was if it felt like
a test subhanAllah and this proof this
this same proof that’s had motivated me
was the reason the motivation for those
sisters with the hijab in France this
same proof was the thing that gave them
clarity and certainty
especially when they felt like they were
being tested can I can’t I should I
shouldn’t say and this proof was the
tipping was tipping the balance so with
a small gathering of brothers a couple
of days later I said slowly said the
words a shadow la ilaha illa llah
well shadow under Mohammad ur Rasool
Allah and that was followed by a chorus
of thick beers and hugs and handshakes
and so now I’d like to explain displaces
all being here for to talk about
reversion to Islam that for me reversion
is not a special moment it’s not a
magical decision it’s not like a switch
that turns you into Superman in fact to
be frank I don’t even quite remember the
dates that I took my Shahada so on the
face of it I’d stated this Shahada but
in reality the Shahada was the start of
my test and within the space of a few
months I realized that I had already
started failing those same tests and
clinging to my old habits and so since
becoming Muslim I started to believe
that the best time for me to have died
was probably straight after my Shahada
and I don’t want to give the impression
that I was suicidal Allah far from it I
just been considering that Allah in His
infinite mercy had cleared my record of
all sin at the time of taking this
Shahada and since that time I was of the
opinion that I’d been doing a marvelous
job of wrecking my chances of going to
Jannah and with the limited time that I
had left I wanted to make amends and so
steering clear of this Haram had been a
significant challenge and indeed I
failed on many occasions and for this
there is little I could do but make
tawba and sincerely attempts to never
repeat those actions many things had
changed but perhaps unsurprisingly the
habits I’d spent decades forming during
my jahiliya
had been the source of most of my tests
and at this time i noticed that i all i
almost never felt anything spiritual
during my salah words like tranquility
and peace and joy were used by others to
describe their salah but in all honesty
i’m not insure i knew then what i also
have been feeling but given that so many
people spoke about
it surely they had to be something at
hamdulillah I still recognized it as a
fart and so I still prayed however to me
this was literally just as an obligation
I did it because the Creator had given
me a hookah so this all lets me doing
the bare minimum to avoid the Hellfire
and even that was usually rushed and
with the exception of the Taraka before
the fajr I would practically never pray
any sooner
never praying in a waffle and so some
people suggested that you know praying
more more of these voluntary prayers
would resolve my situation but for me
praying more honestly led to me just
losing concentration altogether and
please understand that I don’t mean to
be arrogance I was still grateful for
the kindness and bouncy the boundless
bouncy that my Lord had bestowed on me
but I couldn’t seem to link these
intellectual facts with oh sure insula
and I was impassioned by various aspects
of the Deen but the ibadah left me cold
and what worried me most about all of
this was that I was beginning to wonder
am I even Muslim when my thoughts and my
actions and my emotions are not in line
with Islam and so seeking guidance I I
came across these ayat from the Quran
which I’d like to share with you today
such are the men whom Allah has cursed
for he has made them deaf and blinded
their sight do they know do they then
not earnestly seek to understand the
Quran or are their hearts locked up by
them those who turn back as apostates
after guideth guidance was clearly shown
to them the evil one has instigated them
and busied them with false hopes this
because they said to those who hate what
Allah has revealed we will obey you in
pass of this matter but Allah knows that
a secrets but how will it be when the
angels take their souls at death and
smite their faces and their backs this
because they followed that which called
forth the wrath of Allah and they hated
a large good pleasure
so he made their deeds of no effects or
do those in whose hearts is a disease
think that Allah will not bring to light
all their rancor had we so willed we
could have shown them up to you and you
would have known them by their might but
surely you will know them by their tone
of their speech and Allah knows all that
you do and of the over six thousand
ayats in the Quran I came across these
that perfectly describe the situation
that I was in I felt as though despite
knowing in my mind that Islam was the
truth perhaps I had stepped back and
everyone born as a Muslim or as a
non-muslim has to make the same active
decision to worship their Creator it’s a
decision that we each all of us make
many times in our lives and perhaps many
times in a day
for example should I pray or should I
attend the meeting at work should I get
angry at another driver or should I be
patients should I put it on my credit
card or should I avoid RIBA should I
speak up for justice or should I keep on
walking by and when I was feeling this
struggle most I reached out to some
Muslims I knew and received an email
which I’d like to share with you today
in shell by Allah I resent and I’m using
that in that word in the mildest form I
resent the fact that you say the best
time for you to have died was after
taking the Shahada I can understand that
there’s little else that equates
emancipation from all previous sins but
would you really have wanted to meet
allah subhanahu wa’ta’ala without having
strived for the deen without having to
fight your nafs for his sake without
having to with
having propagated his perfect thing
crossing from sore thumb núria 40 the
states of a disbeliever is the darkness
in a vast sea overwhelmed with waves
topped by waves topped by dark clouds
layers of darkness above darkness and if
a man stretches out his hand he can
hardly see it and for he whom Allah has
not appointed a light for him there is
no lights
Sam’s harsh smell Allah and the rest of
the email the day you took your Shahada
allah subhanahu wata’ala brought you out
of this darkness and appointed you a
light to die there and then is all too
easy to exert oneself for the sake of
Allah every minute of every day is the
challenge that all Muslims have been
blessed with I do understand the dilemma
though the force of Jannah brings tears
to my eyes firstly because I long to be
there and secondly because of the fear
that I won’t be granted entrance through
his gates every day is a battle against
the Haram and each day holds regrets I
once for my heart to shake with fear
tears to flow and share humility to come
over me when I pray I’m ashamed to say
that I only felt this once in the whole
time since I’ve been praying my love for
Allah defies any words in my vocabulary
and at times can reduce me so a silence
in my mind
despite this facts I don’t always give
my salah the attention to you being the
limited creators we are we need an
understanding of our reality in order to
make connections to anything beyond it
it says is it possible for us to feel an
instant tranquility and peace through
resizing certain words and carrying out
certain actions being illiterate in
Arabic immediately puts some of us at a
disadvantage and it is knowledge of this
now language which forms the link to the
spirituality of Salah however I don’t
believe that just understanding the
semantics of the words
we’ll fix anything there exists an
understanding that surpasses that taking
the time to truly reflect is something
that I all too often overlook apart from
the time before fudger when the quiet of
the night is piercing and allies
presence can be felt I’m almost too busy
thinking about something else
the link is definitely missing I believe
for our actions thoughts and emotions to
be in line with our fitrah it takes
active application of one to the other
and so that’s insha’Allah is what I will
die trying to achieve a lie is full of
the mercy and kindness that we speak of
and therefore I put my trust in him and
so Han Allah this email is from eight
years ago when I first reverse it and
it’s just as applicable today to mean
and I believe to all Muslims that
without this struggle every day without
taking that active decision ourselves at
every opportunity that is provided to us
every time we’re given another day to
live we so Han Allah we will fail and
being a Muslim practicing Islam is as
the title of this this event the pursuit
of happiness not happiness in itself
being Muslim is not the completion of a
goal it is the opportunity that we are
all blessed with every day to seek the
refrain of Allah may our last words be
our best words our last deeds be our
best deeds and our last actions be our
best actions and our best day be the day
that we meet Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’ala