medaka rahmani raheem hamdu lillahi
rabbil alameen with lattice enamorada de
selena my dear sisters and brothers I
greet you with peace Salam aliko mutton
pulao it’s a real honor a blessing to be
here with you today and I want to thank
you for being here and for being in this
room in particular for being at this
convention in general and for your
support and for your love for Islam my
intention in being here and I think all
of us share this you know we don’t tell
these stories I hope you know out of
narcissism or out of a desire for
attention but with the hope that it may
be in some way beneficial in sha Allah
that it may serve as a reminder to
ourselves as well as to you of what
brought you here what made you Muslim
would kept you Muslim you know as my
sister and my brother said you know thee
we were all born on with a fit row with
a with a tendency towards our nature
towards goodness towards worship but
truly we are pulled apart by the many
different distractions in this world but
every single one of you has made a
conscious choice many of you act as
adults you made a conscious choice to
continue with your Islam you continue to
pray even after your mom stop
threatening to hit you if you didn’t you
fasted even with no one was looking
because this a man is there something
you turn back to a law and a lot
accepted it from you I I guess I’ll I’m
uh I don’t actually I end up speaking a
lot for work and I almost never get
nervous about it if you ask me about
politics I’ll be able to rant to you for
an hour straight without breathing the
today though this is a little bit more
personal and I also hoped that because
I’ve done a number of these panels
warm and because many of you are
familiar with them and I’m friends with
in this room I wanted to share some of
the details which I have neglected in
the past I did not expect to do this for
the first time in a room with cameras
but such as life and perhaps is better
to have multiple records of what I said
exactly so shallow i’m going to choose
my words carefully the i grew up just
north of here in Bucks County
Pennsylvania i was born in Rhode Island
grew up in Pennsylvania lived in
Connecticut for a couple years and I’ve
been in New York and Brooklyn for wha
been in New York for the last ten the if
you’re doing the math I’m still only 26
years old I’m just it’s moved around a
lot I am my father is irish american my
mother is an immigrant from iran and so
I grew up in oh it’s worth noting that
Bucks County Pennsylvania I don’t know
what it looks like these days but it
used to be that was a Ku Klux Klan town
when I grew up I go over to town where
as we walked into the high school the
high school seniors would gather in the
parking lot with their pickup trucks in
a circle with Confederate flags on the
back I grew up in a town where I was
told and I know I’m white to y’all but
in that at that time I remember being
told by and I remember this man forever
I was a senior in my high school telling
me when I was a freshman and that he
wanted to start a club one day I wanted
to start a club for white men one day
and he held up his arm next to mine and
I guess I was a little bit darker back
then than I am now too but you see how
it was at hand next to mine he said
anyone darker than me he’s saying
himself anyone darker than him would not
be allowed in and I stared at my arm and
I stared at his and it was pretty
obvious the point that he was making
this hamdullah all thanks to god I’m
sorry we the arabic words are a reflex
to us if anyone doesn’t understand
something that we say I hope that you’ll
call attention to it or ask questions
tolman God willing the eye
always you know strong enough in my
identity comfortable enough with myself
perhaps even sociable enough you know to
not let that stuff bother me many ways I
felt that my identity that what made me
different was something that also made
me special and I was blessed to have
parents who were confident in themselves
enough to do that and had a global
enough view to give me that that town
wasn’t the center of my world you know
it wasn’t that that wasn’t the the
extent of my world and we had to
maintain that wide view in order to
maintain our pride to maintain our
strength I grew up also you know because
of who my family was I grew up with the
loose understanding of Islam it wasn’t
entirely you know something foreign to
me you know we went to had been to
churches i’ve been to massage it there
wasn’t really any i didn’t really feel
any ownership over either you know i had
you know my my grandmother my irish
grandmother was a catholic school
teacher and at the same time my iranian
family uh through that line my mother’s
family they were descended from
ayatollahs from the from the shia ulema
of Iran I had an aunty that would come
and pray and although for me at the time
I didn’t really understand the prayer
either and I didn’t understand why she
hated my dog so much that she couldn’t
pray in the same room as it but this is
what this is what registered with me at
the time but it wasn’t something foreign
it was just something that it was it was
a part of the diversity of our world or
something that I was loosely familiar
with and as I grew especially in a place
that was tremendously white and as a
place that I did not feel necessarily
included in Islam seemed to me more of a
cultural identity it was more of a way
of understanding oneself it was a lens
through which I could understand myself
in solidarity with people from the lands
I associated with in my freshman year of
high school my first week of school we
were called in to one of the rooms that
had a television one of those rolling
units and on the TV there was a
on the screen there was a image of one
of the towers of the world trade center
with smoke coming out of the side
remember we were told that this building
had been attacked the I thought it was a
joke I thought they were playing a prank
on us and it figures that it would be me
that did this I I remember laughing
about it out loud going up to the TVs
and you can’t trick me sticking my
fingers into the VCR to try to find the
tape that this must have been playing
from and feeling that like pit in your
stomach when you realize oh this is real
this is happening I felt like a real
jerk for that this very quickly changed
the dynamic in that town it was very
clear that the candlelight vigils taught
all this about America being United it
was very clear that we were not included
in that America we were not a part of
this unity I knew that patriotism meant
war nach nationalism meant death and it
made me sad even to see people of color
who weren’t Muslim we don’t really have
Muslims around them participating in
this buying into this as a way of
throwing someone else under the bus the
as I went through high school into
college my reality were my reality was
the the wars around us I was obsessed
with it I was obsessed with the invasion
of Afghanistan and the massacres that
the US Army inflicted there and
continues to do so I was obsessed with
the war in Iraq this is something that
even as a high school student I debated
constantly with people I was angry about
it how could you not be angry about it
this is death on our tax dollars this is
something that this was on our watch I
didn’t make those arguments as a Muslim
I didn’t make those arguments you know
as a person of faith at that time I
probably had very little faith in God
very little understanding in any of it I
did as a person with some sense of human
rights perhaps some sense of dignity a
wider view than these borders that
Europeans drew between us
I became very upset and I internalized
this into college I started talking
about war and I get the time limit Nessa
sorry guys the we maybe i’m going to
skip some of these details our struggle
comes out of dissatisfaction yesterday
we had a session with not even a quarter
of the attendees of this room where we
talked about our political prisoners in
the u.s. Muslims who are imprisoned here
in the United States I wish half of you
guys were in that room to hear about the
work that’s being done to free your
sisters and brothers who are in prison
for no other reason than their Islam it
was the dissatisfaction with this
reality that led me to search for a way
of life which was more dignified which
was more complete I didn’t care about
whether I’m American and not I don’t
care if you think I’m American or not I
have a blue passport I have rights and
those rights are not just given by a
court they were given to me by a lot
Onawa town but in Islam I found a way of
life which was just which was dignified
which was not just personal it’s not
just for our personal worship but that
personal worship the rituals our
discipline these are means to an end and
not just a personal and not just an N
within our families but a social end I
found in Islam and I have searched
everything I my search for for for this
way of life covered so much ground I
from through through leftism and right
ism through socialism and communism and
and everything in between I certs into
different religions different governance
systems everything that was my interest
that was my love and I still to this day
this is what this is what I waste my
time on so I read I’ll read everything
on this but in Islam we found the best
of all of these worlds found something
which
respects our dignity our equality as
human beings but also our very humble
are very low position before our Creator
when we say let Allah Allah law we’re
saying that there is no deity worthy of
worship except Allah except the One God
our Creator and that includes any human
beings we don’t worship any of them and
they do not make laws for us God has
given us what we need and we have to
rise to that occasion I’ll say this
because we’re here to talk about
converting say I was I don’t know if I
was a bad person but I didn’t feel like
a good one despite my anger maybe
because of it i diverted that energy
into destructive self-destruction I
wasn’t huge into drugs but it was a part
of my life I was a fighter and it was
and i’m not talking about in a ring and
it was dealing with one of those was on
the other side of one of those where I
admit I admit to you today I hurt
somebody this is something which to this
day I’ve asked for a lost forgiveness
but I don’t even know how to go about
getting his was in this desperation in
this really deep questioning of what the
hell are you doing Who am I and why that
I knew that it would take struggle it
knew they would take time to change
that’s things that that things had to be
done differently and I knew that
morality couldn’t be something arbitrary
and so I began searching and I began
researching and I began praying like I
don’t think I’d ever prayed in my life I
don’t think I call God Allah at that
time I was a trained as if there was a
path which was the one path and pleased
to guide me to it and I looked into
everything like i said from Islam to
Hinduism from communism to Buddhism to
everything in between and the only one
that made sense out of any of it was
Islam
the only path only the book that could
answer your questions was the Quran this
is a of course we accept God’s word for
its own sake but this is a rational
religion it’s amazing and we have to
understand it that way and we have to
teach it that way and I remember waking
up with all one day I was bartending at
the time I was a bartender not a barista
I was serving drinks and I woke up one
morning and I just felt different I felt
you know I wasn’t hungry it felt really
strange nothing dramatic could happen
the day before but I woke up and I felt
weird I felt like I didn’t want to eat
and I wasn’t all you know centered on
technology back then either but
something called me towards my desk and
I went to my computer and I signed in
and I saw I think they might have been
on the Google screen back then and it
was the first of Ramadan it was the
first day of the month of Ramadan a
month in which I had never fasted before
but I was somewhat familiar with and I
decided at that moment I know now that
you have to make your intention the
night before but I decided at ten
o’clock in the morning perhaps that was
fasting that day I walked downstairs I
told my mother you know my I think I
don’t think I meeting today I’m going to
try fasting wrong dawn I was a little
nervous about it and she said okay I’ll
fast to just make that I began reading
the Quran then she began reading the
court head and I mean she was trying to
struggle through the arabic i don’t know
why i said just read the English miles
fine we you know we all have different
struggles we all have different problems
in our conversion process and this is
part of what we wanted to present to you
we all have different issues that hold
us up for me my parents were not a
problem they were happy I was staying
out of trouble but I was a bartender I
had a girlfriend I was deep in a
community which had no faith in God
whatsoever I had no Muslim community
around me and honestly if I weren’t so
stubborn as my friends can tell you if I
was not so stubborn I’ve made of let I
might have left it
I might have left it because of the
nitpicking that I face when i got to the
masjid because my beard was too short I
might have faced it you know I might
have left it because of the nitpicking
then I heard from people at the message
when they would see me walking in the
street with one of my friends who was a
girl I might have left it based on the
conditions of the bathrooms in the
massager good god I don’t know how we
live like this we really like there was
but if we need and and I found al hamd
allah and i hope that we can be a part
of recreating all of us together an
inclusive community a principle
community but an inclusive community i’m
not saying we compromise i’m not saying
we compromise don’t ever ever ever
please don’t ever water down this
religion for anybody especially not to
please your oppressor please don’t ever
tell someone that is a bit ready to
impress you what they want to hear you
are Lou you were losing the respect of
people of oppressed people around the
world who are looking to Islam and we’re
looking to Muslims to lead I’m really
done this time I owe my soul I think I
got no time please I can’t I can’t I
can’t stress this enough I go when I met
you guys invite me to your colleges and
I go to these MSA DS islam awareness
weeks and they want me to talk about you
know misconceptions about Islam going to
talk about jihad and hijab and you know
women’s rights and stuff like this and
I’ll get there not ask the non-muslims I
don’t like that word non-muslim I asked
the people who don’t identify as Muslim
I asked them to tell me what do they
want to talk about what are you
interested in why are you here and we’ll
la he will lucky they’ll say I want to
talk about Palestine I want to talk
about Iraq I want to talk about
surveillance I want to talk about
torture what are you guys doing about it
one of the Muslims going to stand up how
much worse does it need to get before
bosoms stand up really how bad does it
need to be before we really rise to this
occasion before we realize that our
ethics have something to offer to this
world that our exam isn’t just for our
massage it don’t keep this Islam in a
closet this is something for us to share
with the world
this is something that we’re called to
this is our prophetic mission this Dawa
is one thing to go and hand out
pamphlets but our Dawa is something
which should be done by example and so
I’m really ending see this how you know
I give hook buzz I’ve ended three times
already the I want to I’ll mention the
I’ll say for many of his converts that
I’ve noticed especially most of men we
look off into the example of the
companion of the prophet salallahu ID
who send them Omar even if I thought
this was a man who had a checkered past
this is the man who it was narrated that
he was seen laughing and crying and or
sitting aside for iron thought and
people went to him and asked him what
was wrong and he recalled a time when he
built his own idol out of dates to
worship it until he got hungry and
started to pick it apart and started to
eat the dates and he laughed about this
and then he but then he thought of his
own daughter as was tradition at the
time of his own baby daughter which he
had buried and how she had reached brush
the dirt out of his beard and how this
made him sad this is a man who was the
commander of the believers this is the
man who was the leader of the Muslims
but he remembered where he came from he
remembered the darkness inside and never
stopped turning to Allah for forgiveness
and for repentance but at the same time
he stood with strength and when he
converted he went to see his uncle and
he told him first he said he thought ago
said that he thought who could who would
be the most angry that I became Muslim
who would be the angriest that I became
Muslim and he went to his door and knock
and said I testify to the oneness of God
and that will Hamid is His Messenger
these aren’t fairy tales is this isn’t
like these are folk legends these are
examples for us to live and may Allah
allow us and make us vessels to make
this real for us make it real for us and
for our children for the next generation
may we live with strength maybe live
with dignity may we live with his
guidance I mean you Robert al-amin I
said I
you